"Suspicious Dark Weather."
— Charlie re: the name of his would-be male fragrance
"Ignore the previous cookie."
— Last night’s fortune cookie
"Get out of the blogosphere. Right now. Just get out."
— Kani trying to help me with my problems
"After careful observation, I think I can safely say that there seems to be only two questions you should ask before developing any kind of satisfying friendship with anyone. One: ‘Are you Jewish?’ Two: ‘Is your favorite character on Will & Grace Karen?’"
— Anonymous assessing my life using bullet points
"Their songs are really catchy, but I get scared when I listen to them. What if I like it because I’m secretly a lesbian?"
— Kani re: the ambiguous state of her sexuality vis-à-vis Tegan & Sara
"You’re the only person I know who will deliberately use the energy to strategize your trips to CVS to avoid the afternoon rush hour."
— Alexis playin’ da hatah
"Literary critics have said that there’s something unrepresentable about true love. It’s not because it’s so abstract or ineffable to express properly. It’s because it’s boring. Nothing has been achieved."
— Prof. Linda Schlossberg
"It’s like spending 3 hours in a Lisa Frank folder on acid."
— Laura Bans’s review of Avatar